A Midnight Note

21 Dec 2021

Dear Rafia

I am restless and cannot sleep 

I am unsatisfied and without peace 

Truth is, I am raging with jealousy

Kids my age are drinking, finding the right camera pose

The perfect shade of light, twirling on a pole

Me? I'm at home, 

climbing up the wall with my thoughts

No one (in recent memory) 

has ever called me a good time

I wish I could sparkle and shine

Not twinkle and glow

I wish I could have an epic love

That captures me in their arms in front of everyone

I wish I had another name, 
and spoke a different tongue

I wish I could have fun and shout obscenities from the depth of my lungs

That I could treat life like a game

Walk like a challenge

Talk like a threat

I wish I could shatter the mold

I wish I wasn't always the good girl
(all the damn time)

Sensible weighs upon my shoulders, so heavy

Oh to be free! 

To toss my head and tip my glass

And sip the coolade. 

Bottoms up? Is that how the saying goes?

I wish I were well versed in such terms

Oh to wade in whimsical waters! 

For a few days at a time, I nearly succeed
and drift out to sea

But soon I am swept back to shore

Where all is safe and sound

It's there in the clutches of safety, that I realize 

I would much rather drown